Breast feeding in Public and the Death of the Melting Pot

We all understand that the vast majority of infants are breastfed.  It is a good thing, a healthy thing and leads to a healthier baby as compared to a baby raised on formulas and milk replacements.  Breast milk cannot be replicated as it carries much needed antibodies from the mother to the infant when the infant has none of its own. But is public, open breast feeding appropriate? 

We hear about scores of women who think it is a natural and beautiful thing.  They even stage "nurse-ins" to demonstrate that they should be able to do it anywhere.  I for one do not want to see another woman's breast, exposed in public.  I have to be honest -- I just don't want to see it and I am a woman.  I think breast feeding is a beautiful thing between a mother and her child -- but their beautiful moment is not specifically beautiful to me nor to the vast majority of us.  I am not in on the relationship.  I praise women who are willing and able to breast feed.

Let's use some analogies.  Babies also soil their diapers.  This is a natural thing and it is a signal that the baby's digestive system is functioning properly. It is good when babies poop! Do these same women insist that I see their baby's diaper changed in aisle 8 at Target?  The act of making love is a beautiful thing between two people who deeply love one another.  Should they too be able to demonstrate that deep love in front of those of us who are not a part of that relationship?  Of course not! We try not to pass gas in public places even when it too is a natural thing for our bodies to do.  We don't do it though when we can help it.

Being a mother of a baby is a challenging thing. It takes time, it takes planning and it is probably the most challenging "job" out there. Most moms choose to become moms -- motherhood is rife with sacrifices and rewards.  I have no issue with the occasional breast feeding in public -- if there are truly no other alternatives.  There are lots of ways to do it in public discreetly and yet not minimize the experience between mother and child and not affect the nutritional value of the meal. If a mom really needs to feed her child when she is out and about she can ask for a private place nearly anywhere to feed her child and to have that moment or two between herself and her child.  I do believe we should be sensitive but I also believe mothers should plan -- they too should be sensitive.  A mom more often than not can step out to her car and have the private moment in her own space.  None of these are unreasonable solutions nor are they insensitive.  Why is it that I am insensitive if I don't want to see her breast but she is not insensitive if she forces me to see it?  I know why, because a baby is involved.

We all adapt every day to societal norms.  What is acceptable to me might not be acceptable to you but we refrain from certain behaviors and acts because we are a society.  In today's society we allow small groups to hijack the whole society with their wants and needs without regard to what the majority wants or needs. It isn't okay to do things in public "just because you can".  There are a lot of things we have the "right to do" but is it the right thing to do?  We lose sight of that because the individual has become more important than the society.

What I don't understand is this.  In most cases a left leaning, more liberal person wants to "share the wealth", close the gap between rich and poor and force us all into a standard of living that makes us equal -- regardless of how hard the individual works.  But when it comes to "self expression" they think that their personal expression is more important than that of the society as a whole or that their small group should be considered over that of another group, even if that other group is a majority.  An interesting dichotomy.  I believe just the opposite.  I believe the individual should be rewarded for hard work and be able to keep the majority of the rewards for his labor.  I also believe that there is a balance between self expression and societal good.  I don't believe that just because it is my "right" that I should do whatever it is I have the right to do.  I have to balance what I want and what is reasonable before I act.  This is not oppression this is consideration.

Individualism and multi-culturalism have the same roots…

America used to be a "melting pot".  People came here from all over the world because America had so much to offer them.  They came here to become "Americans".  We were proud to be called a melting pot.  We are not a melting pot anymore -- the culture that is "American" is now vilified and minimized.  Melting connotes the combining of materials into a new material -- it took all those ingredients to be "America".  We are now a nation of tribes and the culture of America is gone or fading quickly.  When people first began to immigrate here they brought who they were and where they came from with them.  They honored those origins in their homes and added elements of themselves to the "pot". It made the pot more vibrant and interesting.  But there is no pot anymore.  America is filled with immigrants and individuals who think that they do not need to melt -- that everything they are should remain intact.  Assimilation has become a dirty word.  "United" is no longer united and divided we will fall.

From the mothers breast feeding in public to the immigrant insisting that his culture from home should be accepted in totality after he moves to America -- we have become a society of "Me". It is MY needs, MY wants and MY desire that have become paramount while it has become "our" money…That seems pretty backwards to me and it is a sickness that will lead this once great nation to mediocrity if not ruin.

When People Breed Dogs...and Do it Poorly

Okay this is out of left field but I care about the topic and just get irked at some people who breed dogs.  I bred labs -- two whole litters -- and believe me spent more money on the care and feeding of the litters than I made from them even though they were high priced pups.  They were healthy, well adjusted pups and the parents were heavily scrutinized and certified before any union took place. Did not breed mama past her 6th birthday.  I want to do it again and I still get calls for pups from someone who knows someone who has one of my dogs.

Now there is the "silver" lab, the "red fox" and the "white". Just as in horses -- when someone breeds for COLOR they are breeding for phenotype -- (looks) rather than breeding for the genotype (what the dog is really made of).  The red fox and the white labs are color variations of the yellow lab -- just shades of that genotype but they are YELLOW labs.  They are not a different dog, there is no classification for "cream", "white", "red fox" or anything of the sort -- they are still 100% acceptable to the lab world.  I personally don't breed for that specific of a shade of color but if done responsibly it can work out just fine.  With the "whites" when you begin to lose skin pigmentation you are going down the wrong road and you must stop.

The "rare silver" is something that has begun to worry me -- it is outside blood, a strange double recessive expression or a combination of both.  I have a family looking for a pup right now and I am looking for them and doing a bit of the homework for them based on what they are looking for.  The local lab community is tight that way and we promote each other's dogs when we know they are good, well bred animals.  The silver is not "rare" and when I see them advertised they cost twice as much!  Don't do it!  The AKC won't recognize the dog anyway.  Getting outside blood into a gene pool is not a bad thing necessarily -- it helps stave off double recessive genes becoming prevalent. It seems as though the "silver" color might actually be a double recessive expression and since we don't know what other traits it affects it should be avoided. The Labrador gene pool is plenty large to keep the breed alive, well and healthy without tossing another breed in JUST to get a color.  When that is done -- it simply promotes a breeding program now more heavily focused on breeding for THAT color variation thus making that particular gene pool very small.

There are many reasons why silver Labradors should not be produced and the main one is that they are a disqualification and adhering to a standard while breeding is what keeps a breed a breed. The Labrador looks and acts like Labrador and not a German Shepherd because of the dedicated breeders preserving the breed. A standard is a blueprint and varying that blueprint because it looks nice will undoubtedly cause the structure to fail. Also silver breeders do not typically run health clearances on their breeding stock (OFA/CERF) nor do they participate in any competitions to prove their dogs are breeding quality. This leads me to believe that they are breeding simply to make money and do not care about a superior individual nor do they care about the breed in general.

Silver breeders also blatantly lie. They have information on their websites that talk about DNA testing done by the AKC and a researcher at UC Berkley. Both are not true. AKC never did any genetic mapping of silver Labradors nor do they have any plans to do so since they are a registering body only and the Labrador Club of America writes the standard for the breed. Also Dr. Neff at UC Berkley was never looking into whether or not silver Labs were purebred or not which is also a moot point since DNA testing can only prove parentage at this point and is not specific enough to search for breed markers.

So if you are looking for a Christmas puppy for the family a Labrador is a great choice -- pick a yellow (in all its variations) a Chocolate or a Black -- steer clear of that Silver -- it ain't a Lab you want....

I miss Early Thanksgiving

Our family had an odd but wonderful tradition.  We did not celebrate Thanksgiving on the day the calendar dictated.  In 2000 my parents and I traveled to Thailand and then on to Nepal. We were gone nearly a month and that moth spanned Thanksgiving.  Unwilling to give up our most treasured family day, we decided to celebrate with family earlier in the month.  I spent the “calendar Thanksgiving” in a Tea House in Chommrung in the Annapurna Sanctuary.  At any rate we realized that having Thanksgiving on our own day worked out fabulously.  It allowed coupled siblings to spend one day with each family.  It allowed those of us who had to travel to do so on a weekend that was not clogged with other holiday travelers.  It allowed us to find a day that worked for almost everyone, every year. In short, it was ideal.  We dubbed our day “Early Thanksgiving” and so it went.

It is difficult when you realize that your parents were the glue of the family.  This will be my third Thanksgiving without my father and my fourth without my mom. It was their love and passion that held everyone together.  It is also hard when you understand that it was they who made you really want to “go home”. It was the ingredient that they added to the mix that made the “kids” also want to be around one another.  Blood is thicker though.  With a blended family of thirty years one would think that step siblings become relatives. But they don’t.  When the glue is gone, the camps separate and become other families – the ones who can, return to their family of origin connections and ostensibly their “roots”, the ones who have little family of origin remaining are left to find new roots, new “families” or are and pining for what was.  I am all of the latter. 

I am blessed to have a Colorado “family”, a group of really good people. They have welcomed me. I am grateful for that and over time – my connection to them will create memories and spawn traditions.  Right now though there are no old traditions in my world that I have any connection to.  There is no “remember that time when?”

I live 900 miles away from what I used to call “home”, so even when my father and step mom (who I consider my mother) were alive it was an effort to get home – but one I made eagerly. The last time I went it was to dedicate a memorial bench to my parents – it was still them that drew me there. I have one full sibling. She has been connected with the family in a on again, off again way for many years.  While I love her dearly, she is not a family rock for me. I have another half sister with a family who I adore and wish lived nearer. In my survey of relatives I would consider her the one I am most drawn to connect and stay connected with.  Out of 11 half and step siblings, that is a pretty low number of connections.

As a childless adult I have no traditions to create for anyone, dogs don’t care as long as there is food and love (thank God for dogs).  When your parents are gone and there is no “next generation” it leaves one with a feeling of disconnection.  There is no continuum.  When I look around me at the memorabilia I have and the family treasures I think to myself – to who shall these go? What is their purpose? What is mine?

So, I miss our family Thanksgiving, deeply, to my core.  I miss the people, all of them, who were involved and yet realize that without my parents we seem to have little interest or energy to rekindle or maintain that family tradition because THAT tradition as it was is gone forever. I suppose we realize that it was all hinged on and made by the presence of our parents. I too am guilty of “letting go”.  It makes me sad and it makes this time of year difficult.

I am looking forward to my new family Thanksgiving.  We are hosting the day at our house.  I will accept the new traditions and hopefully have the opportunity to honor some of what is deeply important to me on that day. I will find a way to honor what was without neglecting what is. It will take some deliberation but it is worth it and it is vital. For me it is the most sacred of holidays – one that has not largely been commercialized and harnessed by the economic engine of America.  The stores go directly from Halloween to Christmas. It is one that is simple and elegant and all about being thankful.  I have so much to be thankful for – this Thanksgiving I will focus on what is hear and now and be thankful for what was.

Should Pit Bulls Be Banned?

I am not a proponent of “responsibility legislation” we should all be personally responsible for the things we own, the actions we take, the children we bear and the animals we possess.  When considering the recent pit bull attacks in both Aurora and now New Mexico we need to think...  What are these dogs bred to do?  The answer is…they were bred to fight.  A border collie, or a Australian cattle dog will “heel” even if they never see a sheep or cow.  A Labrador Retriever will retriever even if he never sees a duck.  A pointer will point.  These dogs are our own creation.  The are specifically bred to do certain things.  We have played “God” in this regard.  Anyone who thinks a “dog is a dog” doesn’t know a thing about dogs. They are breed specific.

While I have known a lot of great and sweet pit bulls, (and an American Staffordshire Terrier is the same thing – one is recognized by the AKC and the other the UKC) they are still powerful machines.  In the wrong hands they are deadly.  Just as a muzzleloading rifle is far less dangerous that a fully automatic weapon – all dogs are not the same.  I truly feel for the responsible pit bull owners.  Sadly, the bad apples have ruined the bunch – and I am talking about the people not the dogs.  But when we see attacks by these dogs we can’t ignore them.  They are potentially lethal. It is common knowledge that the pit bull breed was developed for blood sports: Bull baiting, bear baiting, and later, dog fighting. I don’t think pit bulls should be banned altogether though.  I do think that penalties for ANY attack or aggression should be swift and severe – for both dog and owner.  All dogs are not equal nor is the damage they can do equal.  If you choose to own a pit bull you should be under heavier scrutiny and face more severe action if your dog gets out of line.  Because again, all dogs are not equal – therefore ownership of them isn’t either.  An owner of a toy poodle doesn’t face the same potential as a pit bull owner – not equal but a fact of life. If a crime is committed with a deadly weapon the punishment is more severe than if the weapon is a verbal threat or a water pistol.  If a pit bull gets out of line the same should be true.  If the punishment is severe then only responsible pit bull owners will have pit bulls.  Most never have any problems – but the ones that do have problems should lose their dogs and their freedom as though they used a deadly weapon – even if “accidentally”. People need to under stand the specifics of the breed and not own them unless they do.

If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns – the last thing we need is a bunch of outlaws with pit bulls!  Penalties?  Yes.  Serious ones. Maybe even licensing and background checks.  But an all together ban will only make the law-abiding people lose their dogs. The outlaws, meth lab junkies and others like them will still have their deadly guardians.