Acceptance -- Easy to Say, Harder to Do

So what IS acceptance?  I spent the last 24 hours in a lather.  I have been sending out resume after resume after resume and rarely even receiving acknowledgment that it was even received.  I am responding to posted job openings that I am qualified for.  I was frustrated. I was angry.  I was wondering why the hell I struggled through college as an adult to obtain a degree that, in that moment was feeling worthless.  I was feeling worthless.

I tried to pray.  I tried to breath. I tried to “let go and let God”.  But what does that mean? Let go and let God?  Well it means, in its very essence is Acceptance.  It means that if I do believe there IS a God. And I believe that God is all powerful and all knowing then I must accept what comes to me.  I must accept that whatever is going on is SUPPOSED to be going on.  It does not mean that I should stop sending out the resumes.  It doesn’t mean that the dream job will come knocking.  What it does mean is that all I have any power over is the footwork.  It means that once the “send” button is hit or the phone call is made and I have done all that I can do – I let go… The results are up to God. 

Whether it is in a relationship, a learning experience or a job search I can only do what a human being can do, a fallible, imperfect, human being.  God is God.  When I try to do God’s job the ONLY result I will get will be utter failure and profound frustration.  I just know he is up there chuckling at me.  I almost said he would be wondering when I was ever going to learn – but he already knows.  Maybe I will never learn – never fully.  I hope for that one day, but for today it takes that lather sometimes to get me to at last surrender.

So today was different.  Fundamentally, nothing has changed.  I still have no job.  I am still wondering when I will have a job but it was still different.  For today, I let go of what I could not do and did a few things I could do.  I started a blog. I met and talked with some like-minded friends.  I cooked pork, spare ribs. I combed out a dog in dire need of it (much to her displeasure).  I fed my horses and gave them some treats.  That for today is what I could do.  I did that and I turned the rest over to God.