Dogs Lie

And We Thought Man’s Best Friend Was Honest

Dogs lie like the rugs they fill with their hair.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am a dog lover, more than lover, I have 275 pounds of dog flesh in my house.  When I think about what they could do to me if they decided I was the bad guy is awesome.  But they are large, laid back and loving.  My soul is intricately linked to “dog”.  I will introduce you to by brood.

First there is Lily.  A highly neurotic yet focused yellow lab.  She fixates on light bulbs, “floaties” in the air and bubbles.  One has to forcibly restrain her from joining you in the shower.  She is lovable and slightly off.  Then there is Truman, a stately, black lab, hound cross who has dodged more bullets in his life than most Vietnam vets.  He has survived a mountain lion attack, an encounter with a rabid bat – which he thought was a new toy – and a mysterious ailment that nearly killed him.  We never did solve that one, he simply bounced back.  Then meet Sadie.  A medium sized, yellow, pom-pom, mutt.  She was dodging cars one night just outside of Cripple Creek, Colorado and I had to rescue her from a grizzly fate.  I intended to find her a home…and I guess succeeded in that endeavor. She is an angel and seems simply grateful for everything in the world from daisies to truck rides.  She has a ball playing in the horse trough and rolls onto her back for my Gelding Cash to sniff her belly.  It has been three years since that night I picked her up and she is part of the family.  Finally, meet Fargo.  Fargo is Lily’s spawn and it the antithesis of his mother.  He is large, gentle and sensitive.  A hairy-eyeball from me sends him into deep remorse.

Of all of these dogs Fargo is the most unlikely candidate as a guard dog, although all would fail miserably in this career. Lily is too fixated on “things” to give a darn about people. Truman has a deep, hound-like bawl but that is the extent of his bravado.  Sadie will invite you in and show you where we hide cash and the silver and Fargo, one would assume would hide under the bed.  Don’t let his tender demeanor fool you.

I came home one day to find a large, burly man in a work truck waiting patiently outside my dog yard.  He was from the electric company and was attempting to access my meter in order to install an updated, digital version.  I greeted him and asked what he was waiting for.  He said to me, “I ain’t going in there!”  I thought that amusing because the little lady who reads the meter each month just goes on in, wearing her huge, palm, sun hat that dwarfs her five-foot-nothing, figure; she greets everyone and they welcome her in.  I queried the burly man why exactly he wouldn’t enter the yard (although I blame no one for not wanting to).  He said, “that yellow one won’t let me!”  I pointed to Lily and said, “Her?  What did she do?”  He shook his head and pointed, “No THAT one”.  He pointed to my timid, shy, Fargo.  He said, “That dog is Cujo!”  I had to say to myself “Right on!”

I caged the beasts and he was in and out in a flash.  It made me ponder, dogs lie.  They tell you one thing and when you are not around they say something else.  There are myriad theories on dogs and dog behavior.  That small dogs are yippy, that a wagging tail means “all is okay” and that a bark means I might bite. More often than not it means “I am scared of you. Please stay away because I wouldn’t know what to do it you kept coming”. But I have learned what you THINK you know about your dog may be very different when you are not around.  It makes me feel lucky I don’t have teenage kids!  If dogs tell you what you want to hear what would a kid tell you?  Well we all know what WE told our parents, I know what I told my parents! So with no kids in my future I will have dogs, many dogs, loving dogs and dogs that lie!  God love them all!